 Last week I began a series on 5 lessons my father taught me about surrender in honor of his 5th anniversary in Heaven. Click here to go back and read the first post. There’s an old song by Steven Curtis Chapman that has a verse that resonates with me: I never did like the word mediocre I never wanted it to be said of me, oh, no Just point me to the top and I'd go over, over Looking for the very best that could be Perfectionist. Over-achiever. People pleaser. Yep, that’s me. In my early 20s, God began to show me my tendency to be a perfectionist in my approach to life, revealing that I often associate my worth, growth, and status with Him based on my own ability to achieve certain things. Think “works based salvation.” While I wasn’t raised on “works,” my own personality took over and I quickly began to impose certain things in my life, thinking that if I did those things, and if I did them well, then I’d be accepted and loved. I often felt that everything relied on me and my own ability, whether it was related to work, church, friends, family, and especially in my relationship with God. As a result, when I failed at a task, I’d struggle to get past it, often dwelling on it to a point of self-pity, and stalling out. Even when I thought I did everything “right,” the satisfaction was short lived as my mind would immediately fixate on whatever came next. I constantly told myself I needed to be more and do more. In the moment, I didn’t see what I was doing for what it was, but looking back, I see it more and more clearly. And by the way, I still haven’t gotten this fully fixed in my own life! Unfortunately, it’s still something I struggle with, even ten years later. However, I am now more aware of my temptations and more equipped to overcome them, thanks in large part to my dad. THE CHALLENGENot only was my father a godly man, he was also my pastor and my boss. There are a lot of benefits to having that kind of a relationship with my dad. One of those “benefits” is that when I would begin to struggle, he’d see it – and he’d call me on it. And he not only had authority as my dad, but as my pastor and as my boss. And it made the confrontation kind of hard to avoid or ignore. One of the greatest lessons my dad taught me about surrender was surrendered effort. Having an over-achieving personality has helped me a lot over the years – but it’s also hindered me a lot, especially in my relationship with God. I went through a very difficult season of feeling like I was doing everything right, and yet still feeling disconnected and far from God. I knew of grace, but I didn’t seem to be experiencing it. I wanted to see God’s glory, but I felt like I kept missing it. I was tired, overwhelmed, and frustrated – and often, those emotions spilled out on those around me. In this season, I remember thinking through all the things I was doing: I was in full-time ministry. I was leading people to Jesus. I was reading my Bible. I was praying. I was serving in church. I was tithing. Why did things feel so “off?” It was around this time that my dad began confronting me with the reality of grace. what is grace?Simply put, grace is unmerited favor from God. Biblically, grace has two distinct applications: first, it’s God’s grace that forgives and restores us when we fail (Romans 3:24), and second, it’s God’s grace that empowers us to succeed in the future (2 Corinthians 9:8). SURRENDERED EFFORTMy dad recognized when I would start to go off the rails in my efforts to “be the best” and he would often stop me to point out these very important truths:
REVELATIONS AND RESOLUTIONSI’d like to say that once I finally admitted that I was trusting in my efforts and not in God’s grace, everything immediately fell into place and I felt great peace. But I didn’t. I was listening to the radio the other day and they were discussing the concept of “revelations” versus “resolutions.” The idea was that when we make “resolutions,” we tend to set unrealistic expectations of ourselves. In contrast, a "revelation" is when we acknowledge an area of our lives that needs to change, while also allowing ourselves grace to struggle as we work toward that change. While not everyone would agree with that contrast, I could see it in my own life, for sure. So much of my effort had been in the form of a resolution – an impossible expectation that I set for myself to immediately change, without thought to God’s grace, both in the form of forgiveness in failure, and in the form of power for success. Even in my attempts to surrender my effort, I was fixating on my effort and ability to surrender! Instead of setting up impossible expectations for myself, my dad helped me to understand that surrender is both an event and a process. I needed to repent and surrender my need to prove myself by my efforts. But I also needed to go back to that surrender when I failed. Thankfully, there is enough grace for each failure along the away – all we have to do is surrender again. And again. And again. While it was a painful and difficult process initially, God’s grace met me in my surrender, and eventually I was able to look back and see the progress that I was able to make in this area of my life. Rather than failing a dozen times a day, soon it was a dozen time a week. And then a dozen times a month. Even now, while I still find myself struggling with the mindset of “earning” something in my relationship with God, it’s still not nearly as often or as difficult to overcome as it was those first few months. THE GOSPEL IS RESTIt’s only when I surrender the control I’ve been grasping at, the distractions I’ve been indulging in, and the efforts I’ve been carrying that I can experience the love, peace, and grace He has for me and that I’ve been craving all along. Today I challenge you to join me: Put down the distractions. Put down the entertainment. Put down the pride. And in doing so, discover the beautiful, peaceful rest of a life surrendered to the grace of God. The Gospel is Rest
Elias Dummer Lord I've got the world upon my shoulders But you've been saying "Child, put it down" I prayed and prayed that you would take my burden But you keep saying "Child, put it down" Maybe I'm addicted to the worry Maybe I'm a slave to holding on Help me put it down Help me put it down I've heard it said: the Gospel is rest Oh, how I need it Say it again 'til I believe it Oh, how I need it - Oh, how I need it Lord you took the world upon your shoulders Now all I have to do is put it down I'm living like some weary beast of burden And you keep saying, "Child, put it down" Well, maybe I've been trying to be the hero Fighting wars that you've already won Help me put it down Help me put it down I've heard it said: the Gospel is rest Oh, how I need it Say it again 'til I believe it Oh, how I need it - Oh, how I need it Oh how I need That peace that passes understanding How I need it
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