THE COST OF FREEDOM

“I can’t help the way I am.”

“It’s purely chemical.”

“It’s the way I was raised.”

“It’s my family history.”

“It’s not my fault.”
 

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We’re often asked the question, “When life hurts, where do you turn?”

It’s a good question, and it challenges us to learn to turn to Christ in the hard moments of life.

But I want to pose a slightly different question to you today.
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​“When life hurts, who do you blame?”

 
Our first response when trouble comes is to find someone or something to blame, which is an effort to protect ourselves and our image, and to avoid the pain and humiliation of admitting our wrong.

We see this back in the Garden of Eden, when God came to hold Adam and Eve accountable for their sin. When God asked Adam what he had done, Adam, instead of admitting his own choices, pointed out Eve’s sin. When God turned to Eve, she, in turn, blamed the serpent.

Aren’t we the same way? When we begin to suffer from our choices and God begins dealing with us, we try to put the spotlight on someone or something else. But I’ve learned something about God: He never comes to us for our opinion or report on someone else. God is looking for us to own up to our own sin, because it’s only then that we can be forgiven, restored, and overcome.

Freedom is not found in avoiding personal responsibility, but in accepting and welcoming the opportunity to own up to our own choices, knowing that it’s only through personal responsibility that we can change.

​The painful truth we are going to learn today is that no one else can make us sin. 

the impact of RESPONSIBILITY

For nearly ten years I had the privilege of working directly with women in crisis as a counselor and Bible teacher. Over the course of my time in ministry, I encountered hundreds of women who struggled with addictions, homelessness, abusive relationships, and various mental health issues. But while they struggled in different ways, had different backgrounds, and different “reasons” for their struggles, all of these women fit into one of only two categories when I met them: those who took responsibility for their choices that worsened their situations and led them to a place of brokenness which led them to need a rehabilitation program, and those who consistently blamed their family, their friends, and their circumstances for their present situation.  

Another pattern quickly emerged: those who took personal responsibility generally made it through the 6-12 month program and graduated, but those who did not take responsibility generally lasted less than 30 days before returning to their destructive lifestyle.

Why am I talking about this?

Because, while most of us aren’t struggling with life-dominating problems, we still struggle with personal responsibility. And while it may seem that our daily struggle is “small” comparatively speaking, the consequences to our failure to take responsibility are just as dangerous – and in many cases, even more dangerous, as we are blind to the significance of our choices. The result of this blindness is that we continue the cycle of our wrong behavior until we are in bondage and find ourselves unable to break free when consequences begin to crash in upon us.

Our willingness to take personal responsibility for the choices we make (and the subsequent consequences of those choices, for better or for worse) is the number one determining factor in our success or failure, our freedom or bondage.  
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"IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT"

Becoming a victim always leaves us suffering and in bondage. When we're told nothing is our fault, it can have damaging consequences. For some, it becomes fuel for their destructive choices, and for others, it leads to hopelessness.
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Sadly, there people who are looking for reasons to continue in their harmful behaviors. As a result, they jump at any opportunity to blame someone or something else, so that they are justified in their wrong choices, whether blaming a stressful day on their decision to over eat, blaming their spouse for their own angry outburst, or blaming their family history on their own all-consuming addiction.

But there are others who want to break free of the bondage they're experiencing in life. For some, it’s bondage to what people think of them. For some, it’s food. For some, it’s anxiety. For some, it’s a substance. Regardless, they know they are stuck. But they’ve been told they can’t help it. They’ve been told it’s okay, even healthy. They’ve been told it’s natural. They’ve been told it’s hereditary. They’ve been told it’s just circumstantial; it’ll go away eventually. Except that it doesn’t. And instead of getting better, they get worse. By blaming their situations on other people or things, these people are even worse off because now they not only are caught in a cycle they can’t break free of, but they’ve been told there is no hope.

The lie that began as a way of offering comfort and hope has instead left countless men and women hopeless.

Initially, we feel comforted by blaming others for our choices. But eventually, our behavior catches up to us and the pain sets in. When we decide to change, we struggle because we keep going back to, “but it’s not my fault.”

Many believe that changing people, places, and things is what will bring them freedom from bondage. But it doesn’t work. And the reason is that the problem is in us, and we can’t escape ourselves. Our problems can’t be solved by switching jobs, switching neighborhoods, or switching boyfriends. Our problems can only be solved by taking personal responsibility before God so that He can begin to change us and set us free from ourselves.

The truth is that while we cannot control what happens to us, we can control how we respond.
The truth is that until we take responsibility for our own choices that led us to where we are, we will never find freedom in life.

The truth is that I can’t change someone else. I can’t change my circumstances. I can’t change my family history. And if I’m honest, I can’t even change me. 
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REAL CHANGE

The reason that personal responsibility is so important is not that we, ourselves, have the power to change, but that God does. However, the first step in experiencing the freedom God offers us is personal responsibility. God cannot forgive us for someone else’s sin. He can only for give us for our own.

Does this justify the things that have happened to us? Absolutely not. But neither do the things that have happened to us justify our own sinful responses in our attempt to cope with our pain.

Our struggle with eating may be passed off as comfort after a stressful situation, but that doesn’t justify our excessive indulgence.

Our struggle with lying may be traced back to a painful event when telling the truth hurt us unjustly, but that doesn’t justify our deceptions.

Our struggle with addiction may be worsened by a family history of addictive behavior, but that doesn’t justify our own indulges.

Our struggle with mental health disorders may be worsened by physical matters and family histories, but that doesn’t justify our isolation, anger, and bitterness which spirals us further into the darkness.

The world says we are justified in our sinful responses to life because we are merely victims of those around us. But God says we are more than a product of our circumstances. As we read scripture, we learn that there are no victims in heaven; only those who repent of their sin can find freedom. And that is when we cross from death to life. 
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Or do you not know that wrongdoers will not inherit the kingdom of God?
Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers
nor men who have sex with men nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards
nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.
And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified,
you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.
1 Corinthians 6:9-11

This passage is one of my favorites in all of scripture, because it shows us that regardless of our struggle, God is able to make us new.

I love that the list identifies those who struggle with immorality, homosexuality and addictions with those struggling with alcoholism, greed, and lying.

I’ve been asked many times about this, because isn’t homosexuality something you’re born with? And isn’t addiction hereditary? Yes and no.

We are all born with a predisposition to sin. All that varies between people is what particular area of sin they are more prone to. Some are born with a predisposition to struggle with insecurity, anxiety, and depression. Some are born with a compulsive personality that makes them more vulnerable to addictions and reckless behavior. Some are born with a bent towards greed that causes them to be obsessed with material things and can even make them more vulnerable to thievery. We will all be tempted; but we do not have to give in to that temptations. Homosexuality is a temptation no different than addiction, lying, anger, or gossip. And according to this passage, God is able to set us free from this struggle the same as any other.

What we don’t see in this list are things such as cancer, skin color, or economic status. Why? Because those are the things we cannot control, and they are not sinful. God does not hold us accountable for things we can’t control; He holds us accountable for the things we can. Therefore, if God calls my behavior sinful, I must agree with Him, and let Him change my heart and desires, trading the sinful for the holy.

This, then, brings me back to what I believe about God: is He good? Does He love me? If so, then, while it hurts to admit my wrong, I must believe that this will result in my good, and that there is freedom on the other side of my surrender.

​We must learn to be honest before God, and to say “I did this, and I hate that I did this. It was my fault and only my fault. This is what’s in me, and I don’t want it in me anymore.” When we own up to reality and stop living in fantasy, God can take control of the situation and He can begin to change us.
 

REAL HOPE

The reality of the importance of personal responsibility is wonderful news for those who truly want freedom, want to change, and want to honor God. When we take personal responsibility for our sin, we can finally find freedom from our circumstances, our family history, our own history, and the relationships that have controlled us.

But it’s bad news for those who are hoping to continue as they are, avoid the pain of change, and keep hoping that if there’s someone or something to blame, they can escape the consequences of their choices. But we can’t, because God will hold us accountable for what we do, not what someone else does to us.

So the question that remains is this: do you really want to be free?

Our actions follow our beliefs – if we believe that we can’t change, that we’re destined to be this way, we will never change. But when we choose to believe God when He says we can be a new creation, that He will set us free and we will never the same, that we don’t have to be our family tree, that we don’t have to respond in anger, that we don’t have to cope with junk food, that we don’t have to be defined by our past, then we will be able to begin to walk in freedom.
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THE BEAUTY OF GRACE

For the grace of God has appeared that offers salvation to all people.
It teaches us to say “No” to ungodliness and worldly passions,
and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age,
while we wait for the blessed hope—the appearing of the glory of our great
God and Savior, Jesus Christ, who gave himself for us to redeem us
from all wickedness and to purify for himself a people that are his very own,
eager to do what is good.
Titus 2:11-14
 
And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times,
having all that you need, you will abound in every good work.
2 Corinthians 9:8

Grace is the power God gives to do what God says, and it’s a promise that is life-changing:
When people provoke you, God’s grace will help you to be faithful to love and give to those people.

When you had a rotten day and just want to numb yourself with food or alcohol, God’s grace will help you resist the temptation to indulge and instead give you the power to make healthy choices.

When the last 5 generations of your family were controlled and destroyed by depression, God’s grace will help you to have peace and joy and overcome the depression.

When you’ve been addicted for 20 years and everyone has told you it’s an imbalance, you can never fully break free of it, and you’ll always be one step away, God’s grace will set you free and give you a new identity.

That’s the beauty of Grace; God not only calls us to obedience, but He gives us His own power to do it! And that’s true freedom! Rather than having to be hopelessly controlled by others in a victim state, we can instead surrender to the power of the Holy Spirit and walk in obedience, even when it’s hard, and then we are able to experience the freedom and satisfaction that comes with obedience to Christ.

No matter what we struggle with, who or what we try to blame, it’s time to decide that we’re done being controlled by anything other than Christ.

Take responsibility.

Surrender it to God.

Let your freedom begin.