I think it’s safe to say that we all know of an area in our lives that God is calling us to surrender to Him. And we all believe surrender is worth it. At least, we want to believe that. But still, we struggle. Surrender requires faith, and faith has to be exercised to grow. And so when the extra strain is placed on our faith, we can often falter, wrestle, and be tempted to collapse under the pressure.
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And on top of the pressure we feel from the feeling of losing control, the fear of the unknown, and the struggle of wrestling with what we really believe about God’s nature and character is the horrible feeling of isolation and loneliness. 
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I love mysteries!

And I hate mysteries.

And if I had to guess, I’d venture to say you’re in the same boat with me.

​Allow me to explain.

My favorite genre of fiction happens to be suspense/mystery. I love them. Mysteries are a perfect escape from reality for me. I like not knowing what's going to happen next, and I love trying to figure out what happens next anyway, and of course, trying to guess "whodunit." Maybe reading isn’t your thing – but perhaps crime dramas are a go-to for you. I think media trends to show that we, the people, love mysteries.

In real life, however, I have a much harder time getting excited about not knowing what's around the bend. It's far too easy for me to find myself anxious, and often fearful, about anything from what's going to happen when I call this person, to what's going to happen over the course of the year – or beyond. When I don't have a grasp on what to expect or what's going to happen, it doesn't matter how big or small the situation is, I just plain don't like it. 

My father had many verses that were meaningful to him, that he drew encouragement from. But the most meaningful thing to him in his relationship with God was this simple word, “hupomeno.” It quickly became the theme of his life, and he lived it in full, to his last breath.

I am constantly inspired by the meaning of this word to choose hope, to choose trust, and to choose God. I am inspired by my father’s example, and how he endured all things with hope, with expectation of God’s deliverance – and how God continually proved faithful to His promises in each and every trial. I hope to live my life in such a way as to inspire others the way that my father inspired me.

We need encouragement. We need help. We need hope.

When we’re overwhelmed, frustrated, tired, and broken, we are tempted to isolate. But it’s in those broken moments that we most need each other. We benefit the most from our relationships when it’s the hardest – when we’re most tempted to give up, close up, or shut down. When we’re vulnerable. When we’re scared. When we’re desperate.  

The pattern in scripture is that when people (or even the nation of Israel) were desperate, they cried out to God. And God sent a man. God sent a woman. God sent a person. And He used that person to help, encourage, and bring about deliverance, both personally and corporately.
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Have you ever noticed that some of your best traits also flip over to your worst traits? The same part of me that makes me cautious, careful, and escape trouble and pain also became the source of my biggest struggle over 2017 as I struggled with fear and anxiety.

When I was younger, my parents taught me a lot about trust. I learned to trust them, to believe them. They also taught me the importance of trusting God. Surrendering. Not having to have it all figured it out. They taught me how to balance caution and planning with my faith in God and the sometimes blind obedience that he requires me.

All of this was tested when God did something totally unexpected and completely beyond my understanding: he took my best friend, mentor, and father to Heaven.

The roller-coaster of emotions I experienced during 2017 is beyond description, and even thinking about what I went through, especially those first few months, exhausts me. I went back and forth between supernatural confidence and faith in God, to crushing fear, anxiety, and an overwhelming, oppressing sense of despair. One moment I had hope; the next I felt like I’d never have hope again.

Why? What was happening? How could I so quickly falter?

But there’s one another tool that has been huge in my life — it’s so simple, but so challenging. It’s something I recommend for homework with many of my counselees and students. However, because it’s so simple, and also so challenging, not many follow through long enough to see the benefit. And to be totally honest with you, there are many times when I myself didn’t see the benefit. Times when I stopped for a while. In fact, there was a period of over a year where I failed to do this. And I noticed the effect most profoundly when I found my notebook from 2014 just a few months ago.

​I don’t remember a lot of the details, but I do remember that 2014 had a lot of ups and downs, as tends to happen in life. But as I flipped through this notebook, all I saw were the highlights; and all I remembered was the closeness I had with the Lord during that time; the answers to prayer I was receiving; the joy and the peace I felt. It was my gratitude notebook. 

I​n verses 18-21, we see this contrast very sharply: “Do not get drunk on wine, which leads
to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit, speaking to one another with psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit. Sing and make music from your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.”

​Oh, to find escape! Escape doesn’t have to be drunkenness; it could be blowing all your money shopping, or destructive eating habits, or any other excessive behavior we indulge in hoping
to numb ourselves. I understand the temptation to run, to hide. To give in to life.

But we who know and love Christ don’t have to hide anymore. He has given us everything
we need through our relationship with him to overcome whatever life may throw at us.
We just need to be focused on him, not the problems. We do this by submitting to authority,
by being thankful to God, talking about spiritual things, and singing to the Lord. These are all things that are challenging to us because they go against our flesh and what feels good in the moment; rather, they require us to choose faith, choose delayed gratification, and deny our flesh. The result is wonderful; I can’t explain it to you, though. You’ll have to try it for yourself.

You can’t give in to doubt and fear when you’re praising God and being thankful. Music was
one of the most powerful tools in my life over this past year to help me to focus on God instead of my problems, on His power instead of my weakness.

The hurt and pain of the past year is still very real and present in my life. I don’t intend to go
in-depth with the trials of this year. However, I thought I’d share some of the pivotal moments
in my life over the past year and the songs that helped me to stay thankful, stay focused,
and stay the course.

2017 was a hard year for me; my hardest yet.

I have had to rely on everything I’ve learned and been taught in my life; things that I have known since I was a child, yet, up until this year, had little opportunity to put in to practice.

Were it not for the grace of God, I would not be writing this.

I would not be at peace.

I would not have joy.

I would not be okay.

But God is gracious.

He gives us so many great gifts to help us in our times of need and struggle in life.

God is our refuge and strength, 
A very present help in trouble. 
Therefore we will not fear,
Even though the earth be removed,
And though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea; 
Though its waters roar and be troubled, 
Though the mountains shake with its swelling. 
There is a river whose streams shall make glad the city of God,
The holy place of the tabernacle of the Most High. 
God is in the midst of her, she shall not be moved;
God shall help her, just at the break of dawn. 
The nations raged, the kingdoms were moved; 
He uttered His voice, the earth melted. 
The LORD of hosts is with us; 
The God of Jacob is our refuge. 
Come, behold the works of the LORD, 
Who has made desolations in the earth. 
He makes wars cease to the end of the earth; 
He breaks the bow and cuts the spear in two; 
He burns the chariot in the fire. 
Be still, and know that I am God; 
I will be exalted among the nations, 
I will be exalted in the earth! 
The LORD of hosts is with us; 
The God of Jacob is our refuge. 
-‭‭Psalm 46:1-11‬

I love this Psalm. Did you know that the Lord of Hosts is Jesus? 

The same One who spoke with Abraham as a friend. 

The same One who was with the three Hebrew children in the fire. 

The same One who wrestled Jacob, who finally conquered him. 

He is our defender. He does great and mighty things. He destroys armies. He stops people
​in their tracks. He makes all things work together for our good.

Why, then, do we give in to fear? 

Fear, my dad once said, reveals that we are walking by sight. 

And I think, sometimes, we forget that during those times, while waiting for deliverance,
waiting for freedom, waiting for healing, they were doing just that — waiting. They did not know the end of the story. They did not yet see God’s intervention. They didn’t know how he was going to work things out for their good, how he was going to fulfill his promise to them.

So they waited.

Some waited well. They “strengthened themselves in the Lord,” as David did in 1 Samuel 30. They fixed their eyes on the Lord rather than their circumstances, they chose to trust him,
not their emotions, and they were determined to walk by faith, not by sight.

Others waited, well, badly. They focused on their pain. They focused on their circumstances. They took matters into their own hands, afraid that God would fail them. And the results
always proved tragic. The deliverance was delayed, their relationships damaged, and often, their testimonies tarnished.
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