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Lessons From My Father: Surrendered Relationships

1/29/2022

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Lessons From My Father: Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

Another lesson that my dad taught me about surrender had to do with relationships. None of these lessons I’ve been sharing have been easy, but this one was particularly difficult for me. And unfortunately, it’s one I’ve had to learn many times over. 
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THE ROOT OF MY WRESTLING

The first time I remember wrestling through surrender was when I was 14 years old. I went through a phase of immense fear, and it was almost entirely related to losing my parents and being alone. It eventually got to the point where I wasn’t even able to sleep, because I’d face dreams of losing my parents, or I’d be terrified something would happen to them overnight.

None of this was rational, obviously. But fear never is.

When my dad realized what was happening, he sat me down to talk about it, as any good father would. But instead of reassurances about it all being in my head, or promises that nothing would happen, he instead challenged me with this: what if the worst did happen?

In my fear, I wanted guarantees – don’t we all? - but my dad’s question stopped me in my tracks.

“If the worst happens,” he said, “will you still trust God?”

I didn’t know how to answer at first. At this point, I had not connected my fears with my relationship with God. What my dad was wisely pointing out is that my fear was not nearly as tied to him and my mom as I thought it was; rather, my fear was that God was not good, loving, or trustworthy.

“If you don’t decide now that God is good and that you can trust him,” he explained, “then if or when something bad does happen, you will fall apart.”

My dad then brought my struggles back to the start of my relationship with God. Was I sincere? Did I really surrender my life to Christ? If so, this was just the next step. God was calling me to act on what I’d said by trusting Him to care for my parents and for me, regardless of what that would end up looking like. 

“If you wait to decide,” my dad challenged me, “then you’ll decide wrong.”

It was time to act on what I knew to be true, rather than what I felt could be true: God is good. God loves me. God loves my parents. God is in control. Even if the worst happens, these things are still true and God will help me through.
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Lessons From My Father: Surrendered Calling

1/22/2022

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Read Part 1 and Part 2. 

I’ve always loved my comfort zone. As a baby, I stubbornly clung to my comfort zone and refused to arrive on time. My poor mother had to be induced twice before I entered the world. As a child, I dragged my feet in whatever way I could when it came to something new. Learn to read? Why? I’d rather be read to. Tie my shoes? I’ll just stick with slip-ons. What’s that? You want to go on a roller coaster? #Nope. I could go on, but you get the picture.

One of the best things my parents did for me was push me beyond that comfort zone to try or to learn something new, even if it was uncomfortable. Not everything that I tried became a favorite (I still don’t like roller coasters), but I discovered many things that I actually enjoyed, such as reading. By the time I was a teenager, I always carried a book with me and easily read several each week.

I’d like to say that I’ve grown into an adventurous adult who enjoys stepping out of my comfort zone, but I can barely even type that without laughing. Those who know me best know that’s not the case and probably never will be. I’m still prone to anxiety about the unknown, still withdraw from things that are uncomfortable, and many times cherish my comfort zone perhaps a bit too much.

Thankfully, my husband and my mom recognize these things about me and still encourage me to take those scary first steps of something new or unknown, picking up where my dad left off and often using his (or my own!) words against me when it comes to change. 


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Lessons From My Father: Surrendered Effort

1/15/2022

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​Last week I began a series on 5 lessons my father taught me about surrender in honor of his 5th anniversary in Heaven. Click here to go back and read the first post.

There’s an old song by Steven Curtis Chapman that has a verse that resonates with me:

       I never did like the word mediocre
       I never wanted it to be said of me, oh, no
       Just point me to the top and I'd go over, over
       Looking for the very best that could be

Perfectionist. Over-achiever. People pleaser. Yep, that’s me.

In my early 20s, God began to show me my tendency to be a perfectionist in my approach to life, revealing that I often associate my worth, growth, and status with Him based on my own ability to achieve certain things. Think “works based salvation.”

While I wasn’t raised on “works,” my own personality took over and I quickly began to impose certain things in my life, thinking that if I did those things, and if I did them well, then I’d be accepted and loved. I often felt that everything relied on me and my own ability, whether it was related to work, church, friends, family, and especially in my relationship with God.  

As a result, when I failed at a task, I’d struggle to get past it, often dwelling on it to a point of self-pity, and stalling out. Even when I thought I did everything “right,” the satisfaction was short lived as my mind would immediately fixate on whatever came next. I constantly told myself I needed to be more and do more.

In the moment, I didn’t see what I was doing for what it was, but looking back, I see it more and more clearly. And by the way, I still haven’t gotten this fully fixed in my own life! Unfortunately, it’s still something I struggle with, even ten years later. However, I am now more aware of my temptations and more equipped to overcome them, thanks in large part to my dad. 
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PAIN, PLEASURE & PURPOSE

5/16/2020

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“Life is pain.” – The Princess Bride

We live in a world of instant gratification. We want what we want and we want it now. But there’s a danger in getting comfortable with (and then beginning to expect) quick fixes. Unfortunately, when things aren’t easy or quick, we can be prone toward anger and we can often be guilty of taking our anger out on those around us. Our discouragement and frustration usually end in giving up (failure to overcome our struggles) and giving in (isolating and indulging ourselves to deal with the failure).

Our reaction to hardship in life reveals the biggest idol we all struggle with: a pain- and problem-free life.

On the surface, this seems like it shouldn’t be an idol. It seems like a good thing. And we certainly don’t want to have a pain- and problem-FILLED life. So what’s the problem here?

The problem is that when we fail to surrender this desire for ease and comfort, we can be guilty of making decisions based on whether we believe it will increase our ease and comfort or not, rather than based on God’s goodness, love, and ability to provide for us regardless of our circumstances.

When we have a goal of living a pain- and problem-free life, we begin to do whatever it takes to get it – whatever the cost. 
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DEFINING MOMENTS

5/2/2020

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When I look back on my life and the moments that I believe shaped me into who I am today, I have to admit that those moments were some of the most painful experiences of my life. And yet, God used those times of suffering to make me into the person I am today.

We all have moments in life that define us, and unfortunately, they’re often related to suffering of some kind.

As much as we’d like to think that it’s the mountain top experiences that shape us, that’s rarely the case. Rather, God tends to use the valleys of our lives to grow us, to change us, and to make us into the image of Christ, and it’s those very moments that enable us to experience the joy of the mountain top.

The valley is dark, scary, and painful. Sometimes the suffering is a direct result of our own sinful choices. Sometimes it’s the result of the sinful choices of others. And sometimes it is simply the result of living in a fallen world. Regardless of the cause, the way we respond to resistance, pain, and difficulty reveals what we truly believe in the deepest part of us. In those moments, we are faced with some of the hardest questions we will ever face:

Do I really believe God is good?


Do I really believe God loves me?


Do I really believe God is in control?


Do I really believe God is all I need?
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MAKING GOD ENOUGH

If you’ve been a Christian for any length of time, you’ve probably heard the saying, “You won’t know God is all you need until God is all you have.”

Unfortunately, it’s a common saying because, for the most part, it’s true. At least, the idea behind it is true. But the phrasing itself lends itself to the idea that you won’t really know if God is enough until you’ve lost everything. And while it’s true that you won’t know it by experience until that point, I’d say that you can know that God is enough before you lose everything. In fact, that’s actually the goal.

If we wait until we experience the loss of what we love to discover if God is enough, we will find that God is not enough. Instead, we must learn how to let God satisfy us in the here and now so that when the times of crisis come, we already know that He will be enough and He will carry us through. Otherwise, when we experience the pain and suffering that is inevitable in life, we will instead turn to ourselves or others to make us feel better, following the path of idolatry we talked about last week.

The fact of the matter is that what you believe in the light is what will be proven in the dark. If you want God to be enough for you then, you must make Him enough now.  
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THE REALITY OF IDOLATRY

4/25/2020

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We all like to talk about God being all that we need, but the sad reality is that while we are good at talking about God being all we need, many of us are living as though God is not all we need.

Yes, God is enough. But if we’re really going to be happy, we also need this relationship.

Yes, God is enough. But if we’re really going to be content, we also need to live in this particular neighborhood.  

Yes, God is enough. But if we’re really going to show kindness to those around us, they need to show us respect back.

Yes, God is enough. But when hurt and disappointment enter my life, we really need to be able to distract from it by indulging in junk food, TV, shopping, or maybe even a substance.  

Yes, God is enough.

​But. 
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BLIND SPOTS

I think one of the biggest blind spots many of us possess in life is idolatry. After all, we don’t often see people worshiping blocks of wood or statues of gold, so we find it easy to brush off idolatry as something from Biblical times that’s not really an issue anymore.

The result? At worst, we can be guilty of dismissing idolatry as a modern-day issue altogether. At best, we may find ourselves resorting to the Sunday-school teaching of associating idols with things such as video games, TV, and money. And while to a certain extent that can be true, the truth is that the most dangerous idols we worship are not physical objects. 
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THE DANGER OF HOPE

4/11/2020

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Hope is a funny thing. It can lead to excitement, joy, and peace. But hope can also lead to despair, discouragement, and defeat.

Hope fulfilled is the best thing in the world.

Hope disappointed is the worst thing in the world. 
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DANGER AHEAD

When Jesus came to the region of Caesarea Philippi,
he asked his disciples, “Who do people say the Son of Man is?”
They replied, “Some say John the Baptist; others say Elijah;
and still others, Jeremiah or one of the prophets.”
“But what about you?” he asked. “Who do you say I am?
Simon Peter answered, “You are the Messiah, the Son of the living God.”
-Matthew 16:13-15
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​In Matthew 16 we observe an exchange between Jesus and the disciples in which Peter recognizes that Jesus is the Messiah. But just a few short verses later we learn that while Peter was right that Jesus was the Messiah, he did not fully understand the implications of this truth. 
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From that time on Jesus began to explain to his disciples
that he must go to Jerusalem and suffer many things at the hands
of the elders, the chief priests and the teachers of the law,
and that he must be killed and on the third day be raised to life.
 Peter took him aside and began to rebuke him.
“Never, Lord!” he said. “This shall never happen to you!”
Jesus turned and said to Peter, “Get behind me, Satan!
You are a stumbling block to me; you do not have in mind
the concerns of God, but merely human concerns.”
-Matthew 16:20-23

​Peter was a Jew. The Jewish people had long awaited a messiah to rescue them from their captivity. The problem was that they expected a physical king to relieve their physical circumstances and deliver them from their physical problems, rather than a spiritual King who would relieve their spiritual condition and deliver them from their spiritual destruction. 
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THE RISK OF FALSE HOPE

​Because he was seeking a physical king with physical deliverance, Peter’s hope was inevitably disappointed, and his disillusionment quickly led to fear, despair, and destructive behavior to deal with his discouragement. 
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THE BEAUTY OF GOD'S LOVE

4/3/2020

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“Love is not affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person's ultimate good as far as it can be obtained.”
​C. S. Lewis

​There are three core truths about God that are critical to our freedom. The first is that God is good. The second that God is loving. And finally, that God is in control. All three of these truths are intertwined, and without one the others fall short. If God is good, he must also, therefore, be loving. But if He is not in control, how can He really be good? And if He is not loving, He certainly cannot be good. 

Today I want to talk with you about the reality of God’s love.

I think for the most part we all have a general understanding of the fact that God is loving. We all know John 3:16, and we often tell each other “God loves you!” But the question I want to challenge you with today is this: How is the reality of God’s love impacting your daily living? 

While we may find ourselves familiar with the fact that God loves us, we may not necessarily have a full understanding of what that love looks like, which leads us to feeling, and subsequently living, as though God does not love us. The sad fact is that many of us struggle with looking at what’s happening in our lives and in our world and find ourselves wrestling with the question of God’s love. 
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THE CHALLENGE OF LOVE

To fully grasp the love of God, we need to take a step back and redefine love. The first problem we encounter when it comes to God’s love is that we have a misconception of what love is, what it looks like, and how it acts.

Scripture talks about three primary types of love: romantic/sexual love, brotherly/friendship love, and sacrificial love. The love that God has for us is sacrificial love – which, by the way, is the same love that He ultimately calls all us to strive to have for each other.

Part of our problem in defining love is that we resort to feelings over actions. We struggle to apply the truth of whether or not God loves us simply based on how we feel, rather than evaluating His love based on what actions He has taken towards us. 
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LIVING LIKE GOD IS GOOD: THE FREEDOM OF FAITH

3/27/2020

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Yesterday we looked at  our struggle to believe that God is good. 
​To read the previous post, click here.

HOW DO WE GET BACK?

When I tried to understand all this, it troubled me deeply
till I entered the sanctuary of God; then I understood their final destiny.
When my heart was grieved and my spirit embittered,
I was senseless and ignorant; I was a brute beast before you.
Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand.
You guide me with your counsel,
And afterward you will take me into glory.
Whom have I in heaven but you?
And earth has nothing I desire besides you.
My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
Those who are far from you will perish;
you destroy all who are unfaithful to you.
 But as for me, it is good to be near God.
I have made the Sovereign Lord my refuge;
 I will tell of all your deeds.
-Psalm 73:16-17, 21-28
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STEP 1: THE RIGHT FOCus

Asaph doubted God’s goodness when he looked around him. He failed when he compared his life to the lives of others. He became discouraged when he let his emotions fuel his perspective. But when he lifted his eyes to God, he found hope.

When we go through times of pain and suffering, having the right focus is critical. 
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“For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord.
-Isaiah 55:8


We need to take a step back and see the bigger picture. Not the bigger picture of our circumstances, but the bigger picture of God and who He has proven Himself to be in Scripture and in our own lives. 

Instead of focusing on our circumstances, which constantly change, we need to focus on God, who never changes. Has God been faithful before? He will be faithful again.

​God created us to glorify Him, and He gets glory through being good to us! Our problem is that we tend to forget that God knows more than we do, and so we question His method, forgetting that His thoughts and His ways are so much higher than ours.
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STEP 2: THE RIGHT EXPECTATION

Instead of expecting God to make us happy, we need to expect God to make us holy – and then we will discover that joy is byproduct of holiness. Unfortunately for us, growth can only come through trials; that’s why Peter wrote that our suffering comes for a purpose:  


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LIVING LIKE GOD IS GOOD: THE STRUGGLE WE ALL FACE

3/27/2020

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Anger. Bitterness. Resentment. Doubt. Accusations. Isolation.
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How did we get here? 
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the truth about god​

A. W. Tozer once said that what we believe about God is the most important thing about us.

Hannah Whitall Smith explained this idea further in her book, The Unselfishness of God, where she wrote:

“Everything in your spiritual life depends on the sort of God you worship.
Because the character of the worshiper will always be molded
by the character of what he worships: If it is a cruel and revengeful God,
the worshiper will be the same, but if it is a loving, tender, forgiving,
unselfish God, the worshiper will be transformed slowly,
wonderfully, into this likeness.”


What we believe about God is the cornerstone in the foundation of our lives. If we believe things that are not true about God, it will affect everything else we think and believe in life; however, when we believe the truth about God, it becomes a beautiful lens through which we can properly see ourselves and the world around us.

There are five major areas of concern when it comes to what we believe about God:  Is God really good?  Does God really love me? Is God really enough for me? Are God’s laws really that important – or even relevant? Is God really in control? 
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HITTING THE RESET BUTTON

I think it’s safe to say that no one intentionally chooses to believe that God is not good, that He is unloving, that He’s not enough for us, that His commands are meaningless, and that He’s not really in control. However, many of us are living as though those things are true. Subtle lies have crept into our thinking and have begun to affect the way we live. Therefore it’s necessary for us to take a step back and look at the evidence in our lives, look at God’s word, and ask Him reveal what’s true about Him and about us.

Our starting point is God’s goodness. If God is not good, everything else in scripture crumbles to pieces. If God is not good, our lives are meaningless. If God is not good, we have no hope in life, or in death. Everything hinges on this one truth of God’s goodness.

Instead of assuming that you already know and believe this truth, I would caution you and challenge you to consider if it’s possible that you have unintentionally fallen into the belief that God isn’t really good – or maybe that He isn’t really good to you.

You may not be in outright rebellion against God, but is it possible you find yourself struggling with resentment in your prayers, or even have stopped praying altogether?

​You may not be openly arguing and accusing God, but is it possible you’re afraid of God – afraid of getting your hopes up, afraid He will hurt you if you ask for what you need and want?
 
You may not be quitting church or Christian fellowship, but is it possible you avoid certain people or topics because you find yourself envious of how God is working in their lives while you feel neglected by God?
 

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    bethany HARRIS

    In a word: passionate.
    About Jesus, church, ministry, music, reading, family, friends, and sometimes even
    iced skinny soy mochas. 

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